Paul writes to Timothy and Titus about the overseers of the church and what they are required to do, and how they are supposed to be, and how they are supposed to act.
It’s the bullet points of a good leader. Kind and compassionate, yet strict and in control of their lives and living out the authority God gave them… but I realised something else there.
Paul writes about the families of an elder or church leader:
“…He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect…”
(1 Timothy 3:4 NIV)
and …
“An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe…”
(Titus 1:6 NIV)
I always looked at this like a test. Checkboxes that needs to be ticked to get the perfect “church employee”… But what if my daughter is a bit cheeky? or my son doesn’t always do his homework? Am I not worthy of working for God anymore?
The stress!
However, if you re-read those sections, but let the words of Jesus echo in your mind and filter the meaning… The message looks different.
In Mark 3, when the family of Jesus and religious leaders start to gang up on Him, He shares this epic truth:
“No kingdom can endure if it is divided against itself, and a fragmented household will not be able to stand, for it is divided. And if Satan fights against himself he will not endure, and his end has come.”
“Jesus said to them, “Listen. No one is able to break into a mighty man’s house and steal his property unless he first overpowers the mighty man and ties him up. Then his entire house can be plundered and his possessions taken…”
(Mark 3:24-27 TPT)
(Now, I know the context is different, but the spiritual and physical principle remains sound, that is why, I believe, Jesus used this example…)
How do you break a man of God? Through his wife and children…
How do you keep him down and plunder his house? By overpowering him with worldly things, bad habits and bad friendships, and then tying him down with addictions and guilt. Keeping him subdued with misdirected and misguided anger, as he fights everything and everyone but his enemy.
Titus was not told to look for deacons and elders who could keep their family in check, and in line. But to look for families that were intact, walking together. The Father of the house ensures each member is taken care of physically and spiritually. Not pulling them forward, shouting at them to keep up (thank you for the visual explanation Stephan! 😉) but rather walking behind with his arms wide, gathering them up and ensuring that they have what they need. Sometimes slowing everyone down to one member’s pace, sometimes picking one up and carrying them when they get tired.
When a house becomes “tight”, they fight for each other. They pray for each other, they carry each other. Their shields block flaming arrows from all sides. But when it is fragmented, the wolves will pick them off one by one.
It is not about having a perfect household, and it is not about being blameless, but about where your strength lies and where your focus should be… and not allowing yourself to be overpowered and tied down by the temptations and empty promises of the world.
